Crimes

 

"Unfortunately, it's not a movie, it's all real."

Pansexual hedonist Harry Francis (Gianni Dei) has been poisoned at his own drug-fueled orgy but Police Inspector Sanders (Tony Valente) soon discovers that none of the guests is willing to talk. The owner of the house - famous journalist, TV host, giallo author and photographer Bob Rawling (Saverio Vallone) - is eager to start his own parallel investigation. Once it's revealed that an 8mm film taken at the party could reveal the identity of the killer, people connected to the case start getting murdered by a masked assassin. Is Harry's murder connected to mafia drug trafficking? Can Bob reveal the killer's identity before it's too late?

Crimes (not to be confused with Crimes of the Black Cat) is awful on all fronts. Lazy writing and ponderous acting are compounded by uninspired visuals. And to wrap it in a bow, the filmmakers tacked on the most unimaginative title possible. There are times when characters are introduced, but we don't learn their names or relationships to each other until well into the movie. Two characters are introduced in the last five minutes of the film and don't even get the luxury of names. But the biggest flaw is in the editing. There's no sense of sequential storytelling, remarkably few establishing shots to help us orient ourselves and we're even denied a "big reveal" moment when the killer is unmasked - we just jump cut to an ending, with the Inspector explaining everything in a monologue. The incriminating film at the center of Crimes is reminiscent of the diary in Blood and Black Lace, so at least this movie chose its inspiration well.

• I've seen giallo victims killed by poison in a number of ways, but I think this is the first time a killer carries around a live snake and holds it up to the victim's neck.

• This movie was directed by Giovanna Lenzi, but it's unclear if she is any relation to director Umberto Lenzi. You may know Giovanna as an actress from her appearances in A... For Assassin and you may remember her as Susan, the mysterious woman in a white cape in the aforementioned Crimes of the Black Cat. She also plays the first victim's sister, Julie in this film.

• Three of the deaths listed above occurred during the lumber mill shootout.

What the Hell Am I Watching?

SPOILERS AHEAD

This movie takes up time to present not one but THREE prolonged and highly superfluous sex scenes, including Betty's (Michela Miti) elaborate striptease through three rooms of a house.

Also, this movie includes an act break with title cards:

How dare you, movie. Who do you think you are, Lawrence of Arabia?

Finally, Except for his corpse at the opening crime scene, we first meet Harry in a flashback, joking around with his sister, Marita (Laura Troshel). So it's a shock late in the movie when we suddenly cut to Harry in an apartment, dancing to records and chatting on the phone. What's going on? Who's flashback is this?

Turns out, it's not a flashback - Harry faked his death as an elaborate prank. An elaborate prank that led to the brutal deaths of eight other people. Nice job, jerk.

Also, please note that Harry is wearing a yellow shirt on a yellow couch against a yellow wall. This is the one and only time the art department got their act together to do something in service of the story.

By the way, it's never explained how Harry faked his emaciated, poisoned corpse at the beginning of the film. 

Fashion Moment:

As a wealthy heiress, Marita is the most put-together character in the movie.

But can you really call it an 80's movie if there isn't impractical, brightly colored spandex?

Deadly Inheritance

Deadly Inheritance

"Do you think everything has a logical answer? The reality we live isn't arranged like a story."

When Oscar Marot (Arnaldo De Angelis) dies in a train accident, his three daughters, Simone (Femi Benussi), Rosalie (Giovanna Lenzi, credited as Jeanette Len), and Colette (Valeria Ciangottini) are surprised to learn that he left them a small fortune. But, according to the will, no money will be distributed for three years, when slow-witted farmhand Janot (Ernesto Colli) turns 21. When Janot is found dead it appears to be a suicide, but Inspector Greville (Tom Drake) believes that it was murder. Could the killer be Rosalie's husband, Leon (Ivo Garrani), who has sizable debts around town? Or perhaps it's Simone's married boyfriend Jules (Iscaro Ravaioli), who needs money to get a divorce. The police investigation ramps up as more and more potential inheritors turn up dead. Which of the heirs would kill for Oscar's money?

Deadly Inhertiance is a great early giallo that starts slow and builds to a wonderfully surprising twist ending. And then it throws another twist on top of that for good measure. Add some nice action, a gratuitous nude scene, beautiful cinematography, and a touch of humor and we have the makings of an under-appreciated giallo gem. 

• Deadly Inheritance is also frequently known by two Italian titles: Omicidio Per Vocazione (which translates roughly to A Talent for Murder) and L'assassino Ha Le Mani Pulite (or The Killer Has Clean Hands).
• You may recognise Tom Drake, who plays the Inspector, as Judy Garland's "boy next door" in Meet Me In St. Louis.
• You may also recognize Ernesto Colli, who plays creepster Janot as the creepy scarf vendor in Torso or as the creepy morgue worker in Autopsy.  You can't say he didn't fill a niche.
• The steps in the farmhouse turn a rounded corner, which I'm counting as a spiral staircase.

What the Hell Am I Watching?

Thanks to a lazy and completely inept police force, old and clearly out-of-shape Leon manages to evade a village-wide manhunt. He's on foot and they can't seem to catch him in police cars. He takes a rowboat and manages to evade their motorboat. And then – best of all – he sneaks back on to shore a few yards away from two policemen while their backs are turned.

We learn that Janot is a creepster when he spies on Simone taking a shower. She is shocked and disgusted when she catches him and whacks him with a towel. But then, for some reason, she apologizes to him. How crazy is that?

Who exactly is Etienne (Virgilio Gazzolo), the bearded guy who accompanies the Inspector? Early on, he appears to have a romantic relationship with Colette, but that doesn't stop her from flirting with other men. The police address him as "Commissioner," but then why does he appear adjunctive to Inspector Greville during the investigation?

The surf rock band that plays at the nightclub appears to be a quartet – two guitars, a bass, and a drummer – so where are those horn sounds coming from?

Fashion Moment

The French village of Epibaix seems to have an unusually young population for a small, agrarian community. There are enough teenagers to support two nightclubs and they all seem to be hip to beach music and the latest fashions from Southern California.

Among our main characters, youngest daughter Colette seems to be the most fashionable. She wears this mod little number for most of the film.

But near the end, she changes into this simple and chic fitted t-shirt.

The Crimes of the Black Cat

The Crimes of the Black Cat

"But I can't just go to the police and accuse a shadow... a voice... a scent."

The models at a Copenhagen fashion house owned by Françiose Balla (Sylvia Koscina) are turning up dead one by one... apparently of natural causes. At each crime scene, Inspector Jansen (Renato De Carmine) finds a picnic basket, a yellow shawl, and strange scratches on the corpse's neck. But how does it add up? Blind composer Peter Oliver (Anthony Steffen), the boyfriend of the first victim, aims to find out and his investigation leads him on the trail of a mysterious woman in a white hooded cape named Susan (Giovanna Lenzi). But what connection does Susan have to these models? Why would she want them dead? And how can she kill without even entering the room? The answers will lead Peter into a dangerous world of drugs, money, and blackmail!

The Crimes of the Black Cat (which often goes by its rhyming Italian title, Sette Scialli Di Seta Gialla, or Seven Shawls of Yellow Silk) is a fantastic giallo in the classic mode, even if it borrows heavily from other films. The killer's method comes from the 1940 Bela Lugosi film The Devil Bat, The fashion house setting and most of the plot comes from Blood and Black Lace, the blind detective can be traced to Cat O'Nine Tails, a slow-motion shot of a woman going head-first through a window comes from every Argento movie ever, and the brutal and highly graphic shower murder is an obvious homage to Psycho.  But even though it appropriates all these elements, The Crimes of the Black Cat synthesizes them in a clever way and it turns out to be a very satisfying movie, highly indicative of the genre.

• Check out the scene where Peter's assistant, Burton (Umberto Raho) is chasing Susan and she disappears when a rack of clothes passes in front of her. Yet another clever touch lifted from Blood and Black Lace.
• There's not a lot of bad art in this movie. In fact, it looks like Peter owns a Mondrian.
• There's a tense scene near the end where Peter is kidnapped and left alone in a closed glass factory. One false move and he'll fall into a pit of broken glass and the kidnapper uses the facility's machinery to try to knock him down. It's a great, suspenseful scene.

What the Hell Am I Watching?

Model Paula Whitney (Isabelle Marchall) is the first victim. Before she dies, her only line in the movie is a nasty homophobic slur against a co-worker.

That shower scene really is the thing that sticks with you, as it doesn't pull any punches. Unlike Marion's murder in Psycho, we see a razor blade tear deep into the victim's body in visceral detail in The Crimes of the Black Cat.

 Fashion Moment

This movie has a giallo killer who wears the classic all-black coat and hat, but it also turns that tradition on its head with a villain in white. Check out Susan's trademark hooded cape.