Five Dead on the Crimson Canvas

 

"Looking at this painting is like looking into the eyes of a long-forgotten ghost."

On the night artist Richard Streeb (Simeon Moni Damerski) premieres his new gallery exhibit of death-themed paintings, his wife, Gloria (Liz Haverty) watches helplessly as Richard is stabbed and dragged off by a masked killer. When Inspector Andez (Xavier Domingo) arrives, he declares that with no evidence of a crime - no body, no blood, no signs of struggle - there is no case. But Richard's brother, Bill (Joe Zaso), is determined to find the truth. As the killer strikes again, stealing one of Richard's paintings from each of his victims, Bill digs through his brother's past to find clues. Could the killer be the right-wing art critic from the local paper? Or Gloria's jealous lesbian maid? And could Bob and Gloria be the next victims?

Five Dead on the Crimson Canvas (not to be confused with The Red Queen Kills Seven Times), is a real head-scratcher. It's clearly intended to be an imitation of the classic era of late-70's giallo, but from moment to moment it seesaws between spot-on homage and amateurish dreck. The score is sometimes deeply atmospheric and sometimes obtrusive Casio-synth filler. The cinematography is often poorly composed and lit, but occasionally, we see a glimmer of real artistry. The story borrows from Deep Red and Four Flies of Gray Velvet and shows a real understanding of what works in those movies, but the filmmaking isn't nearly sophisticated enough to be on par with those classics.

But here's a thought: what if this movie isn't as inept as it seems? What if it's paying homage to the full depth of the giallo genre - not only the intense artistry of The Fifth Cord and Blood and Black Lace but also the low-budget, gritty incompetence of Snapshot of a Crime and The Murder Clinic? Could Five Dead on the Crimson Canvas in fact be an extremely nuanced and knowing genre parody? I might be over-thinking it.

• Star Joe Zaso was also a producer on this film, which was made by his company, Cinema Image Productions.

• The character of Inspector Andez - a rumpled, persistent older detective - was clearly based on Peter Falk's Columbo. Except that Columbo never let an amateur detective solve a case before him.

What the Hell Am I Watching?

Among the many superfluous scenes, you'll find a prolonged shower sequence, two stripteases, an S&M scene and a beat poetry slam, the latter of which provides us with the title of the film.

Here's an example of the weirdly mixed cinematography styles. People walk in and out of each others' light or forget to open to camera. Often, we'll get shots like these, where people's heads get cut off for extended periods of time:

 But then, suddenly, things get arty with gorgeous homages to Suspiria and Deep Red:

Fashion Moment:

At least this movie knows enough to give its killer the classic giallo look: