The Bloodstained Lawn

 

"I hate planning for anything. Studies, love..."

While hunting down smugglers, a UNESCO agent (Nino Castelnuovo) discovers a crate of wine bottles filled with human blood. Elsewhere, Alfiero (Claudio Biava) drives around the countryside rounding up random strangers - a drunk, a prostitute, a Romani girl and a pair of hippy hitchhikers - and brings them back to the estate owned by his sister Nina (Mariana Malfatti) and her scientist husband Antonio (Enzo Tarascio). Max the hippy (George Willing) and his girlfriend (Daniella Carolli) soon get creepy vibes from Antonio's collection of macabre robots, Nina's talk of developing a master race of supermen and the sudden disappearance of the Romani girl (Barbara Marzano). What grisly experiments is Antonio really working on? Is Nina a vampire? And will the UNESCO agent solve the case before more people die?

The Bloodstained Lawn (not to be confused with The Bloodstained Shadow, The Bloodstained Butterfly or Seven Bloodstained Orchids) is a wild ride and, to be honest, I hesitated before adding it to the list. It does technically meet all four of my criteria but, while a lot of gialli find a foundation in gothic horror, this film seems to find its inspiration the world of science fiction. The film abounds with crazy nonsense moments, absurd mis-directs and laughable effects. Very little of it makes sense, but if you enjoyed the insanity of Spasmo, you might really like this one.

• The film begins with a title pop song over the opening credits - highly unusual for a giallo.

• Please note that seven of the deaths listed in the body count listed above occur before the action of the movie starts. These were the bodies discovered in the basement freezer late in the film.

• The title has nothing to do with the plot, but when Max & his girlfriend are hitchhiking, she remarks on a beautiful field of red flowers and he replies that it looks like a bloodstained lawn.

• Even though the cast is very small, only a few of the characters actually get names.

• Despite the film being a hot mess, the cast features some real talent. You may recognize Marina Malfatti from The Red Queen Kills Seven Times, Enzo Tarascio from The Designated Victim and both George Willing and Dominique Boschero from Who Saw Her Die?

What the Hell am I watching?

A lot of the craziest moments involve the characters being very comfortable with nudity, so there won't be photos. But I must mention the naked, drunken go go party that takes place in a hall of mirrors and the odd shower scene where wine starts pouring out of the shower head instead of water.

Here's a look at the absurd-looking killer robot that Nina tries to pass as a piece of modern sculpture. It looks like a giant beer keg with a super hero cape.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that the retractable arm of the robot looks a lot like the spiked glove in Blood and Black Lace.

Fashion Moment:

Antonio immediately telegraphs his eccentricity (if not lunacy) with his outrageous choice of neckwear. We learn midway through the movie that these are actually straight ties, which he knots into ridiculous floppy bows.

Rich and bored Nina is a fashion standout, especially in this evening gown with a JLo neckline.

Nina apparently outfits all of her guests with new clothes for the aforementioned go go party. They're all looking rather sharp before things get wild.