The Giallo Files: Janet Agren

The Killer Reserved Nine Seats

"I always feel like I'm in terrible danger when I'm with you. A woman likes that."

On the night of his birthday, wealthy aristocrat Patrick (Chris Avram) invites party guests to explore his family's old theater, which has been maintained but unused for 100 years. The group includes his sister, Rebecca (Eva Czemerys) and her lover Doris (Lucretia Love), Patrick's ex-wife, Vivian (Rosana Schiaffino) and her new husband Albert (Andrea Scotti), Patrick's daughter Lynn (Paola Senatore) and her boyfriend Duncan (Gaetano Russo), Patrick's fiancé Kim (Janet Agren) her ex, Russell (Howard Ross) and a mysterious man in a nehru jacket whom nobody can quite place (Eduardo Filipone). Before long, the guests find themselves locked inside the old theater and one by one they turn up dead. Everyone seems to have a motive, but who could be the killer? The answer lies in an ominous secret curse that has haunted Patrick's family for centuries!

The Killer Reserved Nine Seats (not to be confused with The Killer is One of Thirteen) places the familiar "Ten Little Indians" scenario in an old theater and adds a supernatural twist. The result could have been a moody and stylish but is instead plodding, dull and about 40 minutes too long. Patrick's 100-year family curse was obviously cribbed from The Red Queen Kills Seven Times and the murder scenes in a theater are likely a nod to Herschell Gordon Lewis's The Wizard of Gore. The characters in Nine Seats may be better fleshed-out than most and a torchlit journey to the underground catacombs at the end is an interesting move, but just about everything this movie tries to achieve has been done better elsewhere.

This is the last of director Giuseppe Bennati's nine movies and his only giallo.
Composer Carlo Savina was a favorite musical director and orchestra conductor for Frederico Fellini and Francis Ford Coppola.
You may recognize Chris Avram from Bay of Blood and Andrea Scotti from So Sweet, So Dead and The Fifth Cord. Of course, Howard Ross started his career in sword-and-sandal movies and later appeared in notable gialli like Naked Girl Killed in the Park and The New York Ripper.

What the Hell am I Watching?

The movie drags but it does have a few crazy moments to watch out for, starting with the mysterious disembodied voice that bellows a monologue from Othello from the stage for a good five minutes.

The killer wears an old man mask that is suitably disturbing. It's a giallo, so of course it's paired with black gloves and a cape.

The killer punishes lesbian Rebecca by stabbing her repeatedly in the lady parts and then nailing her hand to a board. By far the most brutal killing in the movie.

The biggest WTF moment comes late in the movie, when Lynn copes with the situation by popping pills and deleriously dancing naked in her room. It's a welcome break in the action, but it's ruined when she starts to make out with her own father. Gross gross gross gross gross.

Fashion Moment

Here's Vivian killing it in a sexy black gown:

And the mysterious stranger may (or may not) be over 100 years old, but his fashion sense is right up to date in his blue silk nehru jacket, accentuated by a silver medallion.

The Perfect Crime

It's so beautiful being rich. Money is everything.

After business tycoon Sir Ronald Selmer's plane explodes in mid-air, three Vice Presidents, Paul De Revere (Leonard Mann), Sir Arthur Dundee (Joseph Cotten) and Sir Harold Boyd (Adolfo Celi) stand to inherit his position of power. Each man's ambitions lead them to conspire against each other and it seems that nothing is off-limits - including murder. But each killing is so cleverly made to look like an accident that Inspector Hawks (Anthony Steel) finds it difficult to connect the dots. Who will be the last man standing?

The Perfect Crime (not to be confused with literally dozens of other movies with the same title) is a fun late-period giallo where the audience is always allowed to stay one step ahead of the police. Groovy music, fast cars and opulent settings add to the style factor and the fast-moving plot makes it a fun watch right up to the end, buttoned with a winking reveal. The cast is a spectacular array of stars including Joseph Cotten (from nearly every major Orson Wells production), Adolfo Celi (a James Bond alum, featured in Who Saw Her Die?), Susperia's Alida Valli, Blood & Black Lace's Franco Ressel and Fulci alum Janet Agren. There's even a cameo by the great Maria Tedeschi, who seems to have made a living off her cameos in giallo movies.

The original Italian title translates as Investigation of a Perfect Crime.
I'm going to say that the title does make sense because, while the audience finds out the identity of the killer - spoiler alert - he doesn't get caught in the end. Also, I didn't check "Inept Police" above, because they do everything in their power to catch the killer but were simply outsmarted.
Check out the background of Paul's office - it looks like he has a painting by Margaret Keane, as seen in Tim Burton's film Big Eyes.

What the Hell Am I Watching?

Let's talk about the scene where Sir Harold's wife, Gloria (Janet Agren) sneaks off after a fox hunt to have some grownup time with two guys at the same time.

...Or the time Sir Arthur sends his girlfriend to seduce and murder Sir Harold.

This movie features one of the most ingenious kill scenes in recent memory. The killer slips into Sir Arthur's bedroom at night and zaps him with an electromagnet gun. When the police arrive the next morning, it looks like he had a heart attack caused by a malfunctioning pacemaker.

Fashion Moment

The clothes in The Perfect Murder are well-chosen for a cast of rich English socialites in the 1970's. Which is to say, they're expensive-looking, conservative and boring. Nothing says old money like fox hunting gear.

Except maybe a double-breasted suit.

Further proof of my theory that no one looks good in double breasted suits.

Polly (Gloria Guida) did get to glam it up (tastefully) in one scene, though, but she was hidden by the table.